A historical perspective
on fatherhood and parenting
Neil
Tift
Former Director, Fathers' Resource Center in the Twin Cities
October 1994 (reviewed 2001)
University
of Minnesota Children, Youth and Family Consortium. Permission is granted
to create and distribute copies of this document for noncommercial purposes
provided that the Fathers' Resource Center and CYFC receive acknowledgment
and this notice is included.
For
hundreds of generations, child rearing has been the shared responsibility
of both of the biological parents of their children. While the dichotomization
of gender roles may have existed in many cultures, that has not generally
excluded fathers from parenting roles and responsibilities, which might
be defined as teaching, nurturing, supporting, communicating, disciplining
and caring for their offspring.
Only
in recent history, with the advent of the Industrial Revolution in the
western world, have we seen a major emphasis in the separation of the
male from the home. Prior to this, cottage industries prevailed for
hundreds of years. This concept permitted mothers and fathers to live,
work, and raise their children together within the home. If someone
needed bread, they went to the home of the baker, who made and sold
or bartered the bread from their cottage. Parents taught their children
their trade, or sent them to the home of the harrier, or tailor, or
candlemaker to learn a different trade. But, again, child rearing was
a shared responsibility of both of the parents. As one conference participant
noted, with the removal of the father from the village, the commitment
toward fatherhood goes down. Then, men's investment in their village
tends to decrease, resulting in a downward spiral.
According
to author Neil Howe, there have been several parenthood revivals in
the United States over the last 200 years. The renewal from 1830's through
the 1850's saw the development of the public school movement that eventually
resulted in publicly supported education for all children.
Another
parenting revival occurred around the turn of this century with the
founding of the Boy Scouts, passage of child labor laws, and the creation
of the kindergarten movement. Howe believes that revivals come about
as a result of fear, a perception of apocolyptic doom and the need for
systems change, motivated by what we want for the future of our children.
More than several in attendance were of the opinion that another such
revival is emerging today. A parenthood revival that sees the growing
federal deficit as fiscal child abuse. One that says father absence
is an apocolyptic indicator of the status of the American family going
into the 21st Century.
Howe
identified three recent generations that have, among other things, been
struggling with perceptions of fatherhood, based upon their definition
of masculinity.
The
G. I. generation (those born between 1920 and 1942) identified as the
silent generation, are those who were raised to appreciate aggressive
masculinity. The reason for this attitude was obvious. They worshiped
the G.I.s who sacrificed themselves to save the rest of their generation,
and the world as they knew it. The corollary to this was that mom was
not honored or respected as an equal. Howe labeled their view as "Mom
is a jerk."
The
Baby Boomers (those born between 1946 and 1964) are the generation influenced
by the stress of their parent's generation, and all that they had to
survive; the Depression, World War II, the Korean conflict, the Cold
War, the arms race, and the space race. The Baby Boomer generation had
grown tired of community, they wanted freedom. Howe labeled their perspective
as "Dad is a jerk." This might be called the "why"
generation.
The
X Generation (the offspring of the Baby Boomers) is represented as the
first generation whose parents took pills to avoid having them. These
are the children who had to make their own breakfast, wash their own
clothes, make their own choice of which school to attend, and had to
decide which parent to spend the weekend with. This might be called
the "how" generation.
Roles
of Fathers
One of the Twentieth Century's most famous observers of family dynamics,
Dr. Margaret Meade, wrote in 1956 that fathers are a biological necessity,
but a social accident. Although her notorious statement was made over
35 years ago, this is still disconcerting to a lot of us. Dr. Luis Laosa,
Principal Research Scientist at Princeton, has attempted to define several
critically important roles that fathers play in the lives of their family
members.
-A
supportive role for the expectant mother. While pregnant, the mother
has increased dependency concerns in the form of morning sickness, mood
swings, prenatal health needs, special diet interests, and related concerns.
-To assist with separation experiences. When the child needs to start
separating from the mother ("the beacon of orientation"),
he serves as a second adult available for the child to go to, to learn
from and from whom to seek support.
-For gender identity development. Daughters and sons benefit from the
continued presence of both a healthy female and male role model to help
in the development of their sexual orientation and gender identity.
-To contribute to conscience formation. Again, it is important to role
model both masculine and feminine approaches in the moral development
of children. How we teach good from bad, right from wrong, benefits
from multiple instructors.
-To play the role of mediator . When conflict occurs, as it will in
all families, the presence of another adult to assist in problem identification
and conflict resolution tends to be beneficial to all.
Dr.
Bill Galston, who serves as Deputy Assistance to the President for Domestic
Policy, began with the statement "Fatherhood is a deeply trans
formative experience. It is a prism through which we see the world in
a vastly different light". In welcoming us to the Summit, Dr. Galston
observed that the concentration of efforts to help fathers is a nascent
movement that truly deserves momentum. He proposed three reasons for
the changes that we have seen in fathers' role in the United States:
1) The transformation in the economy, as the result of the erosion of
wages, especially for young unskilled male workers. Many jobs have evaporated
as the result of technology or have moved to other countries. As a result,
physical strength is no longer financially appreciated and remunerated.
This trend he labeled as a feminization of the work place. 2) The emerging
cultural emphasis on freedom. But this freedom has a selfish elememt
to its definition. It emphasizes the pursuit of self-gratification,
while de-emphasizing other values key to the healthy development of
family solidarity, such as fidelity, responsibility, moderation, and
the like.
3) Changes in federal, state and local laws. Current tax codes, family
courts, welfare statutes and divorce and custody laws are not hospitable
to family solidarity, especially toward father involvement.
Dr.
David Popenoe, Professor of Sociology at Rutgers University, specucated
that there are two main reasons for voluntary father absence in America
today. One is that the divorce rate has tripled over the past 30 years.
A first marriage entered today has about a 50% chance of survival, and
the presence of children has become a negligible factor in the decision
to divorce. The second reason is non-marital births, which are 5 times
more likely to occur today, from 5% of all births in 1960 to more than
30% today.
Remedies
suggested by Dr. Popenoe called for radical transformations, a cultural
shift so to speak. These include providing children with a committed
female and male couple- a mother and a father in a joint partnership.
Popenoe also emphasized that men need cultural pressure to stay engaged
with their children, which he termed marriage. As a result, he suggests
that we should seek to limit divorce, and strive for fathers to be married
to the mothers of their children. In fact, he suggested that our society
make it more difficult for couples to divorce. He believes that we prepare
more to buy a house than we do to marry a spouse.
The
Importance of Fathers in the Lives of their Children One of the most
moving speakers at the National Summit on Fatherhood was Dr. Michael
Lamb, a psychologist, researcher and author who serves on the board
of nine academic journals. Dr. Lamb's research offered some rather startling
conclusions regarding a fathers' influence upon the development of his
children. One such conclusion was that the father's masculinity is much
less important than his warmth and the closeness and nature of the father-son
relationship. This is an important finding because warmth and intimacy
have traditionally been seen as feminine characteristics. Thus, "feminine"
characteristics of the father- his warmth and nurturance - seen to be
associated with better adjustment in sons. A corollary conclusion was
also suggested- that paternal warmth or closeness is advantageous, whereas
paternal masculinity appears to be irrelevant to the development of
the father-son relationship.
In
the 1950's, clearly distinct masculinity and femininity were the desired
goal, while today we see a lot less support for that, and more interest
in being flexible in our gender expectations. And whereas father involvement
in the 1950's seemed to be associated with greater masculinity in boys,
we tend to see more blending of the sex-role standards in both girls
and boys, according to Dr. Lamb.
While
there are many more similarities than differences in how mothers and
fathers parent, we need to continue finding ways that dads can reinvest
in their families. The ancient concept of husbandry needs to be re-embraced.
The concept of husbandry held that healthy masculinity involved a stewardship
of the land, the community, the home, the family, the government, and
the nation.
We need to move away from merely honoring fathers on the third Sunday
of each June, and move toward supporting fathers every day as they work
to be decent involved, dedicated parents. For example, our agency will
never sponsor a Father of the Year Award as it tends to pit one child
against another in comparing whose dad is smarter or stronger or better
or more successful than another's.
