Raising
the Standards for Good Fathering
Glen
F. Palm
Professor, Child and Family Studies, St. Cloud State University, St.
Cloud, Minnesota
Published
in Family Information Services,
September, 1995. (reviewed 2001)
( Resources for professionals who work with parents and families.)
University
of Minnesota Children, Youth and Family Consortium. Permission is granted
to create and distribute copies of this document for noncommercial purposes
provided that the author and CYFC receive acknowledgment and this notice
is included.
There
have been many efforts to illuminate and support good fathering in contemporary
US culture. The "raising of standards" for fathers has been
a theme promoted by many different groups including the Promise-Keepers
(1995), Jesse Jackson (1994), Blankenhorn (1995) and the National Fatherhood
Initiative. The confusion about good fathering has been exacerbated
by social changes and the recent emphasis on family and cultural diversity.
Family professionals may find themselves caught between various perspectives
about good fathering. The emphasis on cultural and family diversity
moves us towards a relativist view (Kipnis, 1987) of good fathering
(e.g., Hanson & Bozett, 1985). From a relativist perspective we
may be reluctant to make a judgment about good fathering unless a father
has clearly crossed the boundaries of abandonment or abuse. Feminist
perspectives (e.g., Hochschild, 1989 and Ehrenseft, 1990) suggest a
new standard based on the ethic of gender equality with equal household
work and child care work as a measure of good fathering. Blankenhorn
(1995) in his social critique of contemporary fatherhood reconstructs
"the good family man" as his definition of the good father.
This view begins to move us towards a more Absolutist view of good fathering.
The "good family man" must be a provider, protector, partner
in the family workload and is a spiritual/moral leader. Blankenhorn's
view raises a specific set of standards that incorporates many of the
roles fathers have played throughout history. He pushes us towards a
more Absolutist view by prescribing roles that appear to exclude men
who do not fit rigid definitions of the best family structure and religious
beliefs. The standards are clear and high and include a number of important
functions of good fathering yet they may exclude men who are striving
to do good fathering in difficult circumstances. Both Blankenhorn and
the Promise Keeper's movement remind us of the importance of raising
standards for good fathering at a time when our standards are fuzzy
at best. As family educators we need to work towards a middle ground
understanding that doesn't prescribe good fathering from a narrow moral
perspective yet does not avoid the task of clarifying good fathering
because family life is too complex and too diverse to develop meaningful
standards. This article will begin to address the issue of raising standards
by defining good fathering as an ethical issue and exploring the roles
and strategies that family educators can employ to support a careful
examination of good fathering.
One
of the important learnings about fathering has been to define fathering
as a process. The ethics of good fathering has to recognize that the
focus of fathering is on the evolving relationship between father and
child not a static set of roles. I have found myself challenged by experiences
with a variety of men who do not meet the role requirements of a "good
family man" yet appear to be working towards good fathering. For
example the seventeen year old father in prison who brightens when he
talks about his 6 week old daughter. His toughness begin to melt as
he describes his recent visit with her and his delight with her first
smiles. The depth of his caring is apparent as is his inability to be
a provider or to share in the day-to-day care taking. I begin to ask
myself, "Can men do good fathering from behind bars?" When
I reflect on Blankenhorn's set of roles as an effort to set high standards
and I agree with the general thrust yet they miss this budding expression
of good fathering. The dilemma here is wanting to set high standards
for all fathers and wanting to affirm and support the efforts of the
seventeen year old father in prison. It becomes clear that we need more
than role prescriptions to help us to define, understand and support
good fathering.
Good
Fathering as an Ethical Issue
Recent
work with ethics in family education (Palm, 1994) has emphasized the
importance of bringing different perspectives to understanding ethical
issues. Three very different approaches to ethics were identified and
can be applied to the ethical question "What is good fathering?"
1.
Relational ethics can help to describe the caring relationship that
all fathers should both initiate and nurture with their children.
2. Virtue ethics cafe help to think about good fathering in terms of
dispositions that men need to do good fathering. More specifically,
what are the critical characteristics that help men in a variety of
family contexts to do good fathering.
3. Ethical guidelines are those general principles that guide men towards
good fathering. These guidelines may be the closest to the current interest
in setting higher standards for fathers and father involvement. These
three views of ethics can help us to reflect on good fathering in a
constructive manner. They will not eliminate complexity or controversy
but they do provide guidance and describe virtues that assist men in
good fathering even in difficult situations.
Some
examples of specific applications of these perspectives will serve as
a heuristic device to stimulate thinking about the ethical issue of
defining good fathering.
A.
Relational Ethics--The principles of relational ethics for good fatherhood
might include:
1.
The father as an adult has the responsibility to initiate a caring relationship
and to work to maintain a positive relationship with his children.
2. The father should be sensitive to the developmental needs of the
child and adjust his support to reflect growing independence and interdependence.
3. The father-child relationship exists in the context of a larger family
system. Fathers have a responsibility maintain and nurture a healthy
family system.
B.
Virtue Ethics--What are the dispositions that fathers would find essential
in contemporary society to do good fathering?
1.
Commitment
2. Caring
3. Moral Leadership
C.
Ethical Principles for Good Fathering--These are general guidelines
for the conduct of good fathering.
1.
Relationships with Children
a. Children need a stable base of unconditional love from fathers
b. Children need moral leadership and guidance from fathers.
c. Fathers must respect and be sensitive to a child's individual needs
and differences.
2. Relationships with Partner (Child's Mother)
a. Responsibility for children must be shared in an equitable manner
where partners negotiate the meaning of equity.
b. Differences in child rearing styles should be resolved in a respectful
manner.
c. Clear and ongoing communication with partner is essential.
3. Relationships with Community
a. Father has a responsibility to provide for child's physical and psychological
needs.
b. Father has the responsibility to provide a safe environment for children
at home and in his neighborhood.
These
are just a few examples of how each different approach to ethics could
be used to describe concrete standards for good fathering behavior.
The three approaches provide a way to address and raise standards that
balances the tendency towards either relativism or absolutism.
Responsibilities
of Family Educators
The
primary responsibility of family educators is to begin to collaborate
with parents, especially fathers in exploring the ethics of good fathering.
Raising the standards for good fathering should not be the domain of
professional experts or spiritual leaders but should involve all members
of the community especially fathers. The following list of roles and
strategies is provided as a place to begin the discussion of higher
standards.
1.
Engage men in a dialogue about good fathering. This can be done as a
specific topic or can be interwoven throughout a series of classes.
The concepts of absolutist versus relativist perspectives should be
introduced so a informed and respectful dialogue can take place that
avoids the pitfall of these extremes.
2.
Explore the dilemmas about the meaning of good fathering in a variety
of family contexts. Provide stories or case studies to point out the
importance of the process of good fathering versus prescribed roles.
3.
Discuss the virtues that men need to be good fathers in contemporary
society. Ask the group to generate a list of virtues and then focus
on the 3-4 most important characteristics that men need to do good fathering.
This view supports men to strive to be virtuous and realize that good
fathering is an ongoing developmental process that needs constant attention.
A description of virtues also can be affirming to fathers.
4.
Advocate for both formal and informal support systems that will assist
fathers in a variety of family contexts and situations to practice good
fathering. Maintaining positive relationships between father and children
can be difficult in the best of situations. Non-custodial, fathers,
single fathers, fathers in prison, fathers who are unemployed may all
need additional support and information to do good fathering.
5.
Initiate a community dialogue that goes beyond absolutist prescriptions
as the only recipe for raising standards for good fathering. This process
should include other professional, community leaders and fathers in
affirming the need for good fathering and raising the expectations for
men in concrete ways. An inventory of community resources for fathers
may also become part of this process. Raising standards for good fathering
must be accompanied by communities providing education and support for
men as they strive to do good fathering.
References
Blankenhorn,
D. (1995). Fatherless America. New York: Basic Books.
Ehrenseft,
D. (1990). Patenting Together. Chicago: University of Illinois Press.
Hanson,
S. & Bozett, F. (1985). Dimensions of Fatherhood. Beverly Hills,
CA: Sage.
Hochschild,
A. (1989). The Second Shift. New York: Viking.
Jackson,
Jesse (1994). Keynote Address to the Family Re-Union III: The Role of
Men in Children's Lives. Nashville, TN. July, 1994.
Kipnis,
K. (1987). How to discuss professional ethics. Young Children. 42 (4),
20-21.
Palm,
G. (1994). Developing ethical guidelines for family educators. Views,
(winter,1994), 12-13.
Promise
Keepers. (1995). Raise the Standard 1995. (Conference Booklet) Men's
Conference, Mpls, MN. July 1995.
