University
of Minnesota, Children, Youth & Family Consortium
News Release
For
immediate release: March 10, 2003
Contact:
Children, Youth and Family Consortium - 1-612-625-7849
Talking
With Children About War
Links
to Web Resources
War is a topic of conversation nearly everywhere
you go these days. Children will hear these conversations. Talking
to children about the fears and uncertainties of what might happen
if, or when, war actually occurs is extremely difficult and extremely
important.
Very young children
may not be able to tell the difference between fictional violence
they see on TV all the time, and real
violence related to war and terrorism.
They may hear unfamiliar terms and names. They may confuse Afghanistan and
Iraq, or Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein.
In
addition, young children don’t understand the politics about
war, and may be puzzled when they hear some people are against
the war and some support
it. They may also wonder about talk related to religion, and not understand
what religion has to do with war.
Older children
may understand more of the realities about war, and be very afraid
of the consequences.
They may also be more interested
in the politics,
and might
even want to get involved themselves.
At
any age, children’s
fears will be greater if they have a parent in active military duty.
This is
very difficult because the danger really is great.
Children
might express their fears directly and ask a lot of questions.
Or their
fears may show up in ways that are less obvious, such as sleeping
problems,
difficulty
concentrating, depression, general crabbiness, restlessness or regression
in their developmental behavior, such as wetting the bed or throwing
tantrums when they have ordinarily not been doing these things. Pay
attention
when
children’s
actions seem out of the ordinary, and encourage them to talk.
How can parents
help their children with their concerns, fears and worries about
war?
Encourage
children of all ages to ask questions and talk with you about their
concerns. Listen carefully and answer their questions
in language
that is
appropriate for their age. Try not to burden them with too much
information before they
are ready. Reassure them that you, other adults, their schools
and their country are takings steps to keep them safe. Be prepared
to
repeat your
conversations or explanations. In addition to not understanding
the complexities of war,
children
may find reassurance in simply asking questions and receiving answers
over and over.
Limit
media exposure to war issues. While it is unrealistic to completely shield children
from the news, limiting the amount can
help children
and adults avoid
being overwhelmed. Watch how children react to the news, and
talk with them about it.
Don’t
dismiss their fears. As a adult, you’re probably a bit fearful
yourself. There’s a lot of power in simply giving a child a hug, and saying, “I
know this is scary. I’m glad we’re here together.”
If a parent
is serving in the war, do everything possible to maintain
contact (phone calls, e-mail, letters, sending video-taped
bedtime
stories – whatever
the circumstances allow). The military has made great efforts
to help parents in the service do these things.
Listed below this
article are several helpful sources on
the
web.
It’s a hard
time for children and adults. In responding to war concerns, children
will follow the examples set by adults around them, especially their
parents. When adults act worried and frightened, children will be too. While
it’s important that adults not hide the realities of war, keeping a
calm attitude will help children remain calm as well.
Web
Resources from the University of Minnesota, Extension Services
in Minnesota
and
nationwide,
and
other universities
Talking
to Kids About Armed Conflict
North Dakota State University Extension Service
When War Is In the News
Purdue Extension
Explaining Your Absence During Active Duty to Your Children
University of Minnesota
Talking to Kids About War
New York University Child Study Center
Talking With Children About Terrorism and War
University of Illinois
From Other Sources
Information for Military Personnel and Their Families: Healthy
Parenting
Specific
information about deployment and war
PBS Parents
Talking
With Kids About War and Violence
PBS KIDS/Family Communications, Inc.
Helping
Children Deal with Scary Thoughts-Thoughts from Fred Rogers
Teaching Tolerance
Talking to Kids About War
The Learning Network
Talking About Conflict and War
Talking with Children about War - Pointers for Parents
National Association
of School Psychologists
Coping in Unsettling
Times
