American Indian heritage
"Being
in balance allows me to be a good parent," says Wanda Shell Track Wanda
Shell Track has met and conquered many challenges along her parenting
journey. She's faced being forced as a child to leave her family and
American Indian heritage, losing her own children while struggling with
alcoholism, and learning how to break free of abusive relationships.
But
with the help of counselors and parent educators who understand the
Native American culture, Wanda has prevailed. Today, she is raising
her three youngest children, ages 8, 5 and 3 and is actively working
at coparenting with the father of her older children, ages 20, 18, 15
and 12. Her primary parenting goal is to instill in them an understanding
of who they are as Indian people, which she believes is essential for
a healthy and balanced life. Now a grandmother herself, Wanda looks
back on her life on the Standing Rock Reservation in North Dakota, her
experience in white foster homes, and her own personal challenges.
Much
of her heartache she says came from being placed in a world that tried
to force her into a foreign mold. "Native Americans' first concern is
to not harm our children's spirit," says Wanda, pointing out that this
is different from the traditional form of discipline employed by many
Caucasians. "Many of us do not believe in physical punishment, such
as spanking or hitting. We consider that abuse, not discipline; we don't
discipline in anger. There is no teaching in abusive behaviors, including
shaming. And there are no words for swearing in the American Indian
language. "A child has the right to voice their feelings. It is not
disrespectful or talking back. As parents we have to work hard to listen
to our children because although we may not agree, we have to show respect
for each other.Our
children are people too."
However,
Wanda is quick to point out that she doesn't hesitate to set boundaries
and limits for her children when situations warrant it. Although Wanda
went through local programs for treatment of alcoholism and substance
abuse, it wasn't until she lost her own daughters to foster care and
found a treatment program that honored the values of Native Americans
that she was able to stay sober.
Coincidentally,
her children were placed in foster care at the same ages (8 and 10)
she and her sister were when they were originally placed in foster homes.
In those days, Native American children were automatically placed in
white foster homes. Today, the Indian Child Welfare Act dictates that
efforts be made to place Indian children with relatives or Indian foster
homes before other alternatives are considered.
During
the most trying times of her recovery, Wanda drew guidance from prayer
and her belief in a higher power - a value taught to her by her own
mother. Due to her alcoholism, and abuse she experienced throughout
her life, Wanda says her feelings had been shut off for a long time.
She also spent much of her time in recovery learning about herself and
the effects of alcoholism and abuse.
At
the Minnesota Indian Women's Resource Center (MIWRC), Wanda worked hard
on resolving what she calls "unresolved issues," including the abandonment
she experienced as a child. The holistic approach of the MIWRC helped
Wanda deal with some of the root causes of her alcoholism. She also
worked with a domestic abuse counselor, where she learned how to steer
clear of abusive relationships. "You can't help kids if you haven't
worked through your own issues," she says.
"We
can't teach our kids what we don't know." Wanda recently celebrated
seven years of sobriety and is on the board of the MIWRC. She is committed
to teaching Native American youth about the importance of being in touch
with who they are as Indian people and honoring their feelings so they
have a good sense of self, as well as educating them about their vulnerability
to abuse.
"I
think our children are set up for revictimization," she says. Wanda
attributes this to forced acceptance of values that aren't their own.
She tries to teach her children how to keep their lives in balance by
remembering Indian teachings and their culture through drum and dance
and preparing them to walk in both worlds - Native American and the
dominant white society.
Although
Wanda experienced pain and sorrow in both her birth family and in the
white foster homes where she was placed as a child, she now can look
back and see the things of value in each of these situations. One of
the positive aspects of being in white foster homes is that Wanda says
she was exposed to "good parenting skills," no alcohol and a couple
who didn't fight. She also received piano lessons and became a Girl
Scout - a path her daughter, Val, followed when she became a first grader
last year.
Although
she experienced other traumas in those foster homes, Wanda tries to
leverage the positive, including a respect for a good education; she
is active on the Indian Parent Committee of School District #281 in
Robbinsdale and coordinates the drum and dance group there.
Wanda
acknowledges the importance of the protective factors identified by
the youth researchers, but in thinking about her own experience would
add the importance of her Native American heritage as an important influence
on her own parenting style.
Teaching
balance, respect, the ability to listen, and the depth and importance
of the Native American culture - those are the parenting charges she
feels most keenly. "We think of our children as sacred gifts," she says.
"Being Native American is a way of life, not a religion. It can't be
taught over night. Being in balance is so important; I work at being
spiritually, physically, emotionally and socially in balance. If all
is in balance, I can do a good job of parenting."
