Gay and Lesbian
Aging
Jean
K. Quam, Ph.D.
Director, School of Social Work, University of Minnesota
SIECUS
Report, June/July 1993
reviewed
2001
University
of Minnesota Children, Youth and Family Consortium. Permission is granted
to create and distribute copies of this document for noncommercial purposes
provided that the author and CYFC receive acknowledgment and this notice
is included.
Little
is known about mid-life and older adults who are gay men or lesbians.
The field of gerontology has only recently begun to acknowledge that
older adults are sexual beings, and the prevailing assumption is that
sexual means heterosexual. The growing research in gay and lesbian studies
suffers from the ageist tendency to be interested only in issues that
affect younger or middle-aged gay or lesbian adults. Thus, information
about aging issues as they relate to older gay men and lesbian women
ranges from scarce to non-existent.
Gerontologists
have come to believe that there are at least two groups of older adults
who are commonly classified as aged or elderly. Neurgarten labels these,
"young-old" and "old-old" (1).The "young-old"
adult is aged 55-60, may be retired or planning to retire, and may have
health problems that are beginning to affect his or her daily activities.
The "young-old" adult still has an income, is active and not
dependent on others for help. The "old-old" adult is 75-85
years old and may be economically and physically in need of help. Frequently,
the "old-old" adult has multiple health problems, reduced
or severely limited income and savings, and has suffered many losses
(friends, family, job, health, home, etc.). It is rare to find information
on the classification of "old-old" adults who are also gay
men and lesbians. It is in fact more likely to find material written
about aging gay men and lesbians referring to adults 30-40 years old.
Generalized
Patterns in Older Gay Men and Lesbians
One
reason that so little is known about gay and lesbian older adults is
that they are hidden, particularly when over the age of 60. '"Coming
out" or acknowledging one's sexual orientation has historically
not been viewed or experienced as a possible event. For the most part,
our homophobic society deems gay men and lesbians as immoral and, in
some states, their sexual practices illegal. Nonetheless, while there
are a variety of patterns in the aging of gay men and lesbians, some
emerge as more common than others.
For
instance, many very old gay men and lesbians have never defined themselves
as homosexual. Many older women lived their lives somewhat safely in
"coupled" relationships with another woman. While there may
have been whispers and suspicions about these women, it was fairly acceptable
for women to be roommates and share housing for economic and safety
reasons. Gay men, on the other hand, tended to find their safety in
marriages to women and to have sexual relationships with men outside
the marriage. In this way, many homosexual relationships were hidden.
Non-married men were understood by friends and family to be "confirmed
bachelors."
The
strong moral, social, and legal injunctions against homosexuality have
weighed heavily on this population of gay men and lesbians. It is rare,
though not impossible, to find a very old adult who "comes out"
in the last stages of life. A poignant example can be found in Ellen,
a frail eighty-seven-year-old woman who entered a long-term care facility
after the death of her roommate, who had also been her caretaker. Ellen
overheard two young aides from the facility discussing lesbianism. After
several months had passed, the older woman gathered the courage to ask
one of the aides more about the meaning of the word "lesbian."
Again, several weeks passed before she was able to confide in the aide
about her own relationship with her roommate that may have been a lesbian
relationship. While Ellen appeared to gain some relief from this discussion
and her ability to explore her own grief over the loss of her roommate
in a new context, she later became terribly agitated and anxious. She
was extremely fearful that her story would be told to others in the
facility without her consent. She died one month later.
Problems
Studying Older Gay Men and Lesbians
It
is difficult - if not impossible - to expect that researchers will ever
learn very much about the "old-old" adults who are lesbians
or gay males. The older adult who is willing to discuss his or her sexuality
is an exceptional case and may not offer insight into the closeted elderly,
who comprise the vast majority of this population.
Several
methodological problems exist that create obstacles to understanding
gay and lesbian aging. Most studies focus only on those gay and lesbian
adults who are members of political or social organizations or who are
known to other gay and lesbian adults. A prominent sexuality researcher,
J. Harry states, "Our studies of homosexuals are largely studies
of active gays, those for whom sexual orientation constitutes a lifestyle"
(2). Most of the early studies in this area focused on small samples
usually only 10-20 adults (3). Respondents were selected through community
networks of older gay and lesbian people. Studies were frequently confined
to one particular group such as professionals or gay and lesbian adults
living in the same community. Location has also been limited to New
York, San Francisco or Los Angeles, reflecting an urban bias in the
understanding of this population. Additionally, older gay men and lesbians
from working-class backgrounds are under-represented, as are adults
representing ethnic and racial diversity. It is notable, however, that
new research to study African-American aging gay males and to study
gay and lesbian adults in rural areas is being launched (4). Early studies
in this area initially grouped gay men and lesbian together as one study
cohort assuming that homosexuality made these men and women more similar
than gender made them unique. In a recent study to examine gender (as
well as age) differences, Quam and Whilford found significant gender
differences in living situation, housing, friendship, community participation,
and interest in gay and lesbian organizations and housing (5). It is
clear that critical information is lost if gender differences in the
gay and lesbian population are not acknowledged.
Finally,
there is the problem of self-reporting. No viable method has been discovered
to study this population other than direct questioning. Depending on
who is asking the question (age, gender, race, sexual orientation of
the interviewer) and how the questions are administered (survey by writing,
telephone interviews, etc.), there may be great variability in data.
Fear of being "outed" or exposing information that has been
shared only with a partner or intimate is often extremely threatening
to aging gay men and lesbians. Contribution to research knowledge is
often not perceived as compelling enough to compromise one's privacy.
Importantly,
researchers have learned that gay and lesbian adults have some of the
same concerns about aging as heterosexual older adults. For instance,
most older Americans are concerned with income, unexpected debilitating
illness, economic hardship, fear of losing friends and family, moving
to a new location, difficulties protecting oneself, autonomy, and provision
of health care. For the gay and lesbian older adults, however, there
is an added concern directly related to sexuality. For example:
- A
55-year-old lesbian who is diagnosed with breast cancer may be afraid
to tell her physician about her sexual orientation. Will he treat
her differently because she is a lesbian? Will her partner be included
in decision making about her health?
- A
63-year-old lesbian came out to her adult daughter several years ago,
but her daughter has asked that the grandchildren not be told. Will
this lesbian grandmother be able to count on support from family members
who are not aware of her life and sexuality?
- Two
gay men in their seventies have planned well for old age. However,
they worry about how they will be treated if one or both of them requires
long-term care. They have lived together for thirty years. Will that
relationship be recognized by social service providers? Will the law
uphold the right of one to make decisions for the other as if they
were legally recognized spouses?
Current
Findings about Older Gay Men and Lesbians
Although
the current cohort of very old gay and lesbian adults are probably not
interested in being recognized as different from other older adults,
the younger cohorts (50-65 year olds) seem to have a strong interest
in services and programs which pay attention to their unique needs.
Quam and Whitford studied gay and lesbian adults in their study of 80
self-identified lesbians and gay men over the age of 50 living in a
midwestern metropolitan area. The authors found that two-thirds of this
population participate in gay and lesbian social groups. It was also
more likely for lesbians to participate in such groups than for gay
males. Perhaps even more surprising was the fact That 80% would consider
participating in a gay and/or lesbian only social organization sometime
in the future (6).
Older
lesbians and gay males appear to feel that a safety associated with
gay and lesbian organizations may not exist in other senior organizations.
It is also likely that they see a far greater possibility for meeting
new friends and finding new opportunities for relationships in a gay
and lesbian social organization. A common complaint for older gay men
is that they are vigorously pursued by older heterosexual women who
are looking for mates and husbands. Frequently, older gay males - more
than older lesbians - express a concern about their attractiveness to
potential younger partners as they age. The insecurity of being viewed
as old and ugly may lead older gay males to isolation and loneliness.
In fact, Weinberg and Williams who surveyed more than 100 homosexual
males (of whom one-fourth were over the age of 45) found that 59% of
their subjects described themselves as lonely (7). However, other studies
have found loneliness to be a problem for relatively few older gay males
as they age (8).
Just
as older gay males and lesbians want social interaction with other gay
males and lesbians, they also want housing options with members of their
community. In Kehoe's study of 100 lesbians age 60-85, almost two-thirds
expressed a desire to live in gay or lesbian only housing (9). Lucco
found that almost 88% of homosexuals wanted housing that was somehow
sensitive to gay and lesbian aging issues (10).
Effect
of Being Gay or Lesbian on the Aging Process
One
of the most interesting questions that researchers have begun to address
is whether or not being gay or lesbian has a positive or negative effect
on one's aging process. In general, most recent studies of gay and lesbian
research have discovered that subjects are happy, well-adjusted, and
report high satisfaction concerning their current life situation. In
some of the earliest research on the subject, Kimmel describes a coping
mechanism for many older gay men and lesbians, which he calls "crisis
competence." He theorizes that the coming-out process provides
a sense of competence in handling crises which is called upon to buffer
against the losses experienced in old age.
Not
to be underestimated is the power of gay and lesbian networks of friends
who are often considered as families. Berger asserted that being well-integrated
into the gay community helped lead to greater self-esteem and a stronger
sense of self worth for his study subjects (11). Others have found evidence
that the strength of networks of gay and lesbian friends and the involvement
in a gay and lesbian culture could result in the insulation of gay men
from losses that are associated with old age. Still other research suggests
that gay men and lesbians exhibit greater flexibility with gender roles
that may in turn lead to greater acceptance of one's aging, which can
be attended by a decline in the adherence to rigid gender roles (12).
Conclusion
As
today's gay men and lesbians become a more openly recognized part of
the group referred to as "older adults," they will become
more assertive about having their needs met by traditional social service
agencies and programs. While homophobic attitudes may continue to exist
in society, acceptance of gay and lesbian lives is growing both in the
legal and in the social arena. One optimistic outcome of the small but
growing body of research in this area suggests that being comfortable
with one's sexual orientation can actually mitigate against the numerous
stressors associated with old age.
Jean
K. Quam, Ph.D., is a professor conducting research about older women,
aging and mental health, and gay and lesbian aging issues. She is the
author of two books and several journal articles.
AUTHOR'S
REFERENCES
1.
Neurgarten B. Time, age and the life cycle. in M. Bloom (ed.) Life Span
Development. New York: Macmillan, 1985. The names in this article are
fictional.
2. Harry J. Sampling gay men. The Journal of Sex Research 22(10):22,
1986.
3. For example, Minnegerod FA and Adelman MR. Elderly homosexual women
and men: A report on a pilot study The Family Coordinator 27(4):451-456,
1978 studied 11 gay and lesbian adults; Kimmel DC. Life, history interview
of aging gay men. International Journal of aging Human development 10(3):239-248,
1980 studied 14 gay males; Raphael SM and Robinson MK. The older lesbian:
Love relationships and friendship patterns. Alternative Lifestyles 3(2):207-229,
1980 examined the lives of 20 lesbians; and Berger R. Realities of gay
and lesbian aging. Social Work 29(1):57-62, 1984 studied 18 gay and
lesbian adults.
4. Adams CL and Kimmel DC. "Older African-American Gay Men,"
a paper presented at the 44th annual meeting of the Gerontological Society
of America, November, 1991, and WS Hubbard (ed) Service Needs of Rural
Gays and Lesbians. New York: Harrington Park Press (forthcoming).
5. Quam JK and Whitford G. Adaptation and age-related expectations of
older gay and lesbian adults. The Gerentologist 32(2):367-374, 1992.
6. Ibid.
7. MS and Williams CJ. Male Homosexuals: Their Problems and Adaptations.
New York: Penguin Books, 1974.
8. Kimmel, DC. Life-history interviews of aging gay men. International
Journal of Aging and Human Development 10(3):239-248, 1979-1980.
9. Kehoe M. Lesbians Over 60 Speak for Themselves. New York: Haworth
Press, 1989.
10. Lucco AJ. Planned housing preferences of older homosexuals. Journal
of Homosexuality 14(3/4):35-36, 1987.
11. See Almvig C. The Invisible Minority: Aging and Lesbianism. Utica:
Institute of Gerontology, Utica College of Syracuse, New York, 1982;
Raphael SM and Robinson MK. The older lesbian: love relationships and
friendship patterns. Alternative Lifestyles 3(2):207-229, 1980; and
Deevey S. Older lesbian women: an invisible minority. Journal of Gerontological
Nursing 16(5):35-39, 1990.
12. Kimmel D. Adult development and aging: a gay perspective. Journal
of Social Issues 34(3):113-130, 1978.
13. Berger RM. Psychological adaptation of the older homosexual male.
Journal of Homosexuality 5(3):161-175, 1980.
14. Francher JS and Henkin J. The menopausal queen: Adjustment to aging
and the male homosexual. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry 43(3):670-674,
1973.
15. Op. Cit. Berger RM, 1980; and Friend RA. Gay Aging: Adjustment and
the older gay male. Alternative Lifestyle 3(2):231-248, 1980.
